According to Dictionary.com, the word hostage means: "a person given or held as security for the fulfillment of certain conditions or terms, promises, etc., by another." (Emphasis added.)
Have you ever been in a relationship of any kind - romantic, friendship, work, etc. - where your needs are not being met, but you feel trapped because your heart keeps you there? Your promises and obligations keep you there. The Heart's Hostage follows a married couple, neither one meeting the other's needs, both secretly longing for freedom but trapped by their vow to each other. Eventually, they individually come to the conclusion that the freedom they desire isn't the freedom they NEED. But will they reach this understanding too late???
I will periodically post snippets of The Heart's Hostage here, as I've done with my previous books. I hope you are as excited about this "baby" as I am. This book is so important to me for many reasons. I only pray I'm telling the story well enough to touch the hearts of my readers and cause some hope and healing to occur in whatever situation you may be facing. I know one thing about relationships of any kind: they are hard and everyone has some sort of baggage, unresolved past hurts, barriers to break down. There are ups and downs and more ups, twists and turns, and every now and then a loop-the-loop. Kinda like a roller coaster (and everyone knows roller coasters make me sick, which would most definitely explain my current situation). That's just how life goes, right? I'm not for sure on this, there's so much I still need to learn, but I think that when two people figure out how to enjoy the ride - celebrate each other's similarities, appreciate each other's differences, support each other's dreams, and communicate each other's needs - that roller coaster will be the most fulfilling, biggest thrill of their lives.
I'm a mama, a teacher, a writer, and, most of all, a Christian. I'm most certainly NOT perfect at ANY of those. Lordy, have I screwed up a time or two, but I believe if I try every day to walk closer to Christ (cause some days I'm way far away) I'll do pretty okay at everything else. Will you walk with me??? My plan is to choose a Scripture passage that speaks to me on a personal level and then relate it to my role as a mama, a teacher, and a writer. That's my plan, and those who know me know I love to have a plan 100% as much as I hate roller coasters. I'd also love to know you're walking beside me on this faith journey. Where ever you are in life, please remember, we "can do everything through Christ, who gives (us) strength." ~Philippians 4:13. And we can do it together!
So until next time, dear friends, enjoy the ride!
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Roots and Wings, Hope and Healing
I had an epiphany moment just a little bit ago. It's a pretty neat little story, I think, and I wanted to share it with you with the hopes that it'll touch your heart. Maybe you'll get something out of it. Maybe it'll just be an entertaining story for you. Of course there's always the possibility that you'll think it was a waste of your time. If you want to take the chance, read on . . .
The girls and I are spending our spring break with my step-mom in East Tennessee, one of our favorite places in the whole world. For me, it's a very spiritual place. Something about it centers me, brings me back to who I am. While the majority of my roots are in Ohio, a line stretches all the way to this area of the world. My dad and step-mom would bring us on vacations to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg for as long as I can remember and they built their home just east of the famous vacation spot about 20 years ago. So part of who I am at heart is right here in the Smoky Mountains.
This morning was a beautiful, brisk morning, bright and sunny, about 40 degrees. So I decided to take a run/walk to clear my head, get back to who I am, and just breathe. As I was running along, a song by Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway, came on my ipod. The words of the chorus are:
"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway."
Fitting song, given my recent circumstances. Listening to the song, I drifted back to the last time I took that same walk with my dad. My dad. My hero. I tried to remember what we talked about and couldn't. It wasn't important. What was important was BEING WITH HIM. I wondered what he would say to me if we were walking together now. Would he be proud that I'm a teacher and published author? Would he understand that I'm now a single mother? Just like Forrest Gump's mama, he always knew what to say to make things make sense.
Nearing the end of our together walk all those years ago, I said to him, "Race ya up the hill!" Of course, he took the challenge. And he beat me! But when we got to the top of the hill, he pointed and said, "Look." And there was a Bald Eagle soaring right above us! It was beautiful and majestic. THat was one of the few perfect moments of my life. The memory has faded some - it's probably been 14 years - but I'll never forget that moment as long as I live. And today healing occurred as I shared that memory with my step-mom's new husband as we walked up that same hill together.
That's when I realized the complexity and yet at the same time the simplicity of the twists and turns of life. You never know what to expect, but one thing you can count on is life moves on. There IS life after death. There IS healing after heartache. There can be beautiful relationships after a broken marriage. And there is ALWAYS hope. Always.
The girls and I are spending our spring break with my step-mom in East Tennessee, one of our favorite places in the whole world. For me, it's a very spiritual place. Something about it centers me, brings me back to who I am. While the majority of my roots are in Ohio, a line stretches all the way to this area of the world. My dad and step-mom would bring us on vacations to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg for as long as I can remember and they built their home just east of the famous vacation spot about 20 years ago. So part of who I am at heart is right here in the Smoky Mountains.
This morning was a beautiful, brisk morning, bright and sunny, about 40 degrees. So I decided to take a run/walk to clear my head, get back to who I am, and just breathe. As I was running along, a song by Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway, came on my ipod. The words of the chorus are:
"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway."
Fitting song, given my recent circumstances. Listening to the song, I drifted back to the last time I took that same walk with my dad. My dad. My hero. I tried to remember what we talked about and couldn't. It wasn't important. What was important was BEING WITH HIM. I wondered what he would say to me if we were walking together now. Would he be proud that I'm a teacher and published author? Would he understand that I'm now a single mother? Just like Forrest Gump's mama, he always knew what to say to make things make sense.
Nearing the end of our together walk all those years ago, I said to him, "Race ya up the hill!" Of course, he took the challenge. And he beat me! But when we got to the top of the hill, he pointed and said, "Look." And there was a Bald Eagle soaring right above us! It was beautiful and majestic. THat was one of the few perfect moments of my life. The memory has faded some - it's probably been 14 years - but I'll never forget that moment as long as I live. And today healing occurred as I shared that memory with my step-mom's new husband as we walked up that same hill together.
That's when I realized the complexity and yet at the same time the simplicity of the twists and turns of life. You never know what to expect, but one thing you can count on is life moves on. There IS life after death. There IS healing after heartache. There can be beautiful relationships after a broken marriage. And there is ALWAYS hope. Always.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Life . . . It's a Complicated Thing
So much has happened in my life since I last posted, both positive and what I'm determined to one day make positive. This blog designed to keep you up-to-date on my writing and to inspire you to live your best life while pursuing your life's passion. However, my personal life affects my writing. My personal life has threatened my faith walk, but I fought hard for my faith. My personal life has tried to affect my dreams and life's passions, but dreams are dreams and, while they are often pushed to the side and sometimes flicker, they are never really extinguished.
In 36 1/2 years, there's a few things I've learned about life (most of which has occurred in the last year and a half). First is that I have SO much left to learn!
I've also learned that everything, EVERYTHING, changes so be ready for it. And change doesn't have to be a bad thing. View it as an adventure. View it as an opportunity. But the more we dig our heels in and resist it, the harder it will be to accept it and adjust.
I've learned that being lonely single is okay. Being lonely married is not. And I've learned that being a single mother is NOT for wimps. I've also learned that just 15 minutes of family Scripture reading/devotion and prayer can be a lifesaver . . . in more ways than one.
I've learned to admit when I'm wrong. And I have done so much wrong - as a now ex-wife, as a mother, as a daughter, sister, friend, woman, and Christian. I won't make excuses for myself. I. Am. A. Sinner. I'm selfish and impatient and can be moody. And I thank God for His daily grace and mercy. But I've done a few things right, too, and I feel like I'm getting even better every day.
I've learned to speak up when someone hurts me, rather than hold it inside and let it affect my self worth. I am valuable because God made me and, though I have made mistakes, He doesn't EVER make mistakes. God NEVER made us to be a door mat to be walked on. He made us to be appreciated as a masterpiece.
I've learned the VALUE of RELATIONSHIPS. I once thought relationships were just there, automatic. You are born, you have a mother, you have a relationship, right??? Well, my relationship with my mother has grown exponentially in the last year and a half and I'm using that experience to build a better, more beautiful relationship with both of my amazing daughters. My sister, Julie, is one of my two best friends in the whole wide world because we spend time together, laughing, talking, and nurturing a relationship that is important to both of us. I have made the most beautiful of friendships and I've lost some that I thought would last a lifetime. Relationships are precious gifts from God and like a beautiful flower, they can only grow and flourish if BOTH people involved spend time taking care of them. Otherwise, they will wither and die. I've experienced both scenerios. And our relationship with the Lord is no different.
I've learned the POWER of the MIND. This has been huge for me. Many times I have given into negative thinking. It is so easy to get into a pit of mental despair, playing the victim role, because when you think about it we all have problems or difficult situations to some degree. We ALL have baggage. Everyone's been hurt, self esteem's been shot down. It really takes strength and determination to stay positive, to look on the bright side, to see the Romans 8:28 promise especially when facing undesireable situations. Confession: sometimes I WANT to be weak, crawl into a hole (a.k.a. under the covers of my bed), and have my own little pity party. Sometimes I WANT to say, "I can't do this. I'm TIRED, completely worn out, and I don't want to even try anymore." And I have done that a time or two. But who does it benefit??? No one. Positive thinking makes me feel better, stronger, happier. Positive thinking draws me closer to the Lord and the people I love the most. I have trained my brain to stay on the positive track, to say, "I don't know if I can do this, but I'm gonna try!" But I've also learned that in those few weak, vulnerable moments, 6 words spoken by someone who truly cares can have a powerful impact on the mind, as well as the soul: I UNDERSTAND AND I AM HERE.
Oh, I've learned a few more things which I'm sure I'll blog about in the weeks and months to come. For now, I'll leave you with a poem I wrote recently. I titled it Psalm 151 (because the last Psalm in the Bible is 150) and it is about this complicated thing called life.
Psalm 151
In 36 1/2 years, there's a few things I've learned about life (most of which has occurred in the last year and a half). First is that I have SO much left to learn!
I've also learned that everything, EVERYTHING, changes so be ready for it. And change doesn't have to be a bad thing. View it as an adventure. View it as an opportunity. But the more we dig our heels in and resist it, the harder it will be to accept it and adjust.
I've learned that being lonely single is okay. Being lonely married is not. And I've learned that being a single mother is NOT for wimps. I've also learned that just 15 minutes of family Scripture reading/devotion and prayer can be a lifesaver . . . in more ways than one.
I've learned to admit when I'm wrong. And I have done so much wrong - as a now ex-wife, as a mother, as a daughter, sister, friend, woman, and Christian. I won't make excuses for myself. I. Am. A. Sinner. I'm selfish and impatient and can be moody. And I thank God for His daily grace and mercy. But I've done a few things right, too, and I feel like I'm getting even better every day.
I've learned to speak up when someone hurts me, rather than hold it inside and let it affect my self worth. I am valuable because God made me and, though I have made mistakes, He doesn't EVER make mistakes. God NEVER made us to be a door mat to be walked on. He made us to be appreciated as a masterpiece.
I've learned the VALUE of RELATIONSHIPS. I once thought relationships were just there, automatic. You are born, you have a mother, you have a relationship, right??? Well, my relationship with my mother has grown exponentially in the last year and a half and I'm using that experience to build a better, more beautiful relationship with both of my amazing daughters. My sister, Julie, is one of my two best friends in the whole wide world because we spend time together, laughing, talking, and nurturing a relationship that is important to both of us. I have made the most beautiful of friendships and I've lost some that I thought would last a lifetime. Relationships are precious gifts from God and like a beautiful flower, they can only grow and flourish if BOTH people involved spend time taking care of them. Otherwise, they will wither and die. I've experienced both scenerios. And our relationship with the Lord is no different.
I've learned the POWER of the MIND. This has been huge for me. Many times I have given into negative thinking. It is so easy to get into a pit of mental despair, playing the victim role, because when you think about it we all have problems or difficult situations to some degree. We ALL have baggage. Everyone's been hurt, self esteem's been shot down. It really takes strength and determination to stay positive, to look on the bright side, to see the Romans 8:28 promise especially when facing undesireable situations. Confession: sometimes I WANT to be weak, crawl into a hole (a.k.a. under the covers of my bed), and have my own little pity party. Sometimes I WANT to say, "I can't do this. I'm TIRED, completely worn out, and I don't want to even try anymore." And I have done that a time or two. But who does it benefit??? No one. Positive thinking makes me feel better, stronger, happier. Positive thinking draws me closer to the Lord and the people I love the most. I have trained my brain to stay on the positive track, to say, "I don't know if I can do this, but I'm gonna try!" But I've also learned that in those few weak, vulnerable moments, 6 words spoken by someone who truly cares can have a powerful impact on the mind, as well as the soul: I UNDERSTAND AND I AM HERE.
Oh, I've learned a few more things which I'm sure I'll blog about in the weeks and months to come. For now, I'll leave you with a poem I wrote recently. I titled it Psalm 151 (because the last Psalm in the Bible is 150) and it is about this complicated thing called life.
Psalm 151
The highway stretched out in front of me
Long and lonely
No exits but only
Straight ahead as far as I could see
I kept moving, running, sometimes crawling
Always a smile
With every mile
But inside my spirit was bawling
I stopped for a second to take a look back
Not wishing or hoping
Just merely coping
And fully understanding what lacked
Appreciating the rough roads and every pot hole
Each helped mold me
Into what He told me
He saw when He looked into my soul
He saw past my faults, my insecurities, and my doubts
He saw my heart
My biggest part
And He showed me what my life was about
So now the road is still long, but my story is new
One of faith, hope, and love
And a strength from above
And a Savior who walked a hill, too.
~J. Stephens
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Meet Amy Beauregard
Have you ever experienced an interview with a character before??? Well, last year one of my favorite characters to date, Amy Beauregard, stopped by for a quick interview. With the release of The Heart's Lullaby less than 2 months away, I thought I'd repost her interview so you can begin to get to know this amazing "friend" of mine. In the weeks to come, I have a feeling we'll be having visits from other "friends" from this story so keep checking back!
Is that when you came to Harvest Bay?
Hmm. I'm not sure. I've really felt "at home" here and made some really great friends--
And now without further hesitation, it's my honor to introduce you to AMY BEAUREGARD, a new face in Harvest Bay.
Welcome, Amy! Tell us a little about yourself.
Okay. Well, what do you want to know?
Let's start with where you're from. I mentioned that you're new to Harvest Bay. So where do you call "home" and why did you come to Harvest Bay?
I grew up on an orange farm in Southwestern Florida, but it hasn't been my "home" since my dad died when I was twelve. My mother left when I was really little so all I had left was my grandparents. They did the best they could but I left as soon as I turned eighteen.
Is that when you came to Harvest Bay?
No. I spent a year and a half basically being a beach bum. Then I got pregnant and realized that a great tan and surfing all day wouldn't support my kid so I became a medic in the United States Army. After serving for 10 years, including 2 tours in Iraq, I got out for good and came to Harvest Bay so my son, Dominick, could meet and develop a relationship with his father.
Are you going to tell us who Dominick's father is?
I'm sorry. That's confidential . . . for now.
Okay, then, tell us about Dominick. (Great name, by the way.)
Dominick is an amazing kid. He was born early and there were some complications which resulted in him becoming deaf. He’s really smart though and he loves any game with a ball.
So does that mean you know sign language?
Unfortunately, no. I was gone too much to learn it, but I'm slowly picking it up. My grandma, who was Dominick's guardian while I was stationed in other states and over seas, learned it with him. And his new stepmom is fluent in sign language. What else do you want to know?
Uh, well, since you are a veteran, tell us what the 4th of July means to you.
I thought you might ask this. *Sigh* Since I've just recently left the military I'm presently recovering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and according to my psychiatrist I'm doing really well, but at this point fireworks are really bad. The noise and the sudden flashes of light -- they take me back to places I don't want to be. That said, I love this country. I've been stationed in other countries so I know first hand there are none better than the United States of America. I hate that so many, including my closest friend, have paid the ultimate price for our freedom, but I'm proud. Period.
I think I speak for all my readers when I say thank you for your service and I'm really sorry you experienced such loss.
*silence*
Moving on . . . so, Amy, what do you think the future holds for you and Dominick in Harvest Bay?
Hmm. I'm not sure. I've really felt "at home" here and made some really great friends--
Like who???
I'm sorry. That's confidential.
Right. Sorry. Please continue.
I've been advised by one of my, ahem, "friends" to open my heart to the possibilities and I'm just trying to do that. Your guess is as good as mine as to what the future holds.
One last question for today: the books in this series that you have become a part of are of strong Christian values and themes. Can you tell us where you are on your faith walk?
Well, as you can imagine, after losing my dad the way I did . . .
Which is how???
I'm sorry. That's confidential.
Right. Sorry. Please continue.
And then experiencing the, for lack of a better word, ugliness of war, I'm not at a very good place right now. But, as I said before, I'm trying to open my heart to the possibilities. And another friend told me to try seeing with my heart instead of my eyes. That one's a little trickier, but I'm working on it.
Well, Amy, thank you for stopping by today and giving my readers a little peek into your life. I want to wish you a happy 4th of July and, again, thank you for serving our country.
Yep. Now, if you'll excuse me, Angel's waiting.
And who exactly is Angel?
*Calling over shoulder* Sorry. It's . . .
I know. Confidential.
How in the world has a whole year gone by since my last blog post??? Unbelievable! And yet totally believable with this crazy world where one day becomes a week, becomes a month, and, alas, becomes a year. Lots of changes have taken place in our household. We are in the process of moving back near our hometown which is stressful enough, but, in addition, the completion of the 2nd book in the Harvest Bay Series, The Heart's Lullaby, was quite trying and I honestly didn't have the time to keep up with a blog. Truthfully, I still don't think I have anything to say that y'all would want to read, but I'm getting the itch to blog/journal again so if you feel like keeping up, welcome aboard!
I wanted to bring your attention to 2 new gadgets on the sidebars of this page. On the left you'll see I added a gadget for our annual 5K for Patty. To find out everything you could possibly want to know about this event, go to www.5kforpatty.com. Then on the right you'll see my "Upcoming Events" gadget. Things will be picking up here in the next few months as the release date for The Heart's Lullaby draws near and I want to keep you as up-to-date as possible on where I'll be and what I'll be doing. I love, love, LOVE seeing familiar faces and meeting new friends at my events.
I'm still posting prayer requests so send them to me as a need arises, but then keep us abreast of the situation. I have many fierce prayer warriors out there that will honestly and earnestly pray for you and/or your loved one as long as it is needed. You may be facing a storm, but you are NEVER alone. You can send your requests to jen@jenstephens.net or message me on Facebook.
Must sign off for now, but I'll be back again soon. Until then, blessings to all!
I wanted to bring your attention to 2 new gadgets on the sidebars of this page. On the left you'll see I added a gadget for our annual 5K for Patty. To find out everything you could possibly want to know about this event, go to www.5kforpatty.com. Then on the right you'll see my "Upcoming Events" gadget. Things will be picking up here in the next few months as the release date for The Heart's Lullaby draws near and I want to keep you as up-to-date as possible on where I'll be and what I'll be doing. I love, love, LOVE seeing familiar faces and meeting new friends at my events.
I'm still posting prayer requests so send them to me as a need arises, but then keep us abreast of the situation. I have many fierce prayer warriors out there that will honestly and earnestly pray for you and/or your loved one as long as it is needed. You may be facing a storm, but you are NEVER alone. You can send your requests to jen@jenstephens.net or message me on Facebook.
Must sign off for now, but I'll be back again soon. Until then, blessings to all!
~Jen
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